Lemming Pasta

Lemming pasta is a ring-shaped pasta similar to many kinds of meat filled tortellini found worldwide. However, unlike many Italian pastas, lemming pasta originated in Scandanavian tundra areas within the Arctic Circle. Latin name Tortellini Lemmini, an individual piece of lemming pasta traditionally weighs between 2-5g and usually 3-5cm in length, although weight and size can increase rapidly during cooking to as much as 8g and 8cm.

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Left - Lemming Pasta. Right - A Lemming


The behaviour of lemming pasta is similar to that of many other rodent-pasta varieties, including vole-pasta and muskrat-pasta, in that much of it's time is spent reproducing. Lemming pasta often suffers population explosions, owing to rapid growth of individual pasta pieces, and therefore some individuals instinctively disperse in all directions in order find more personal space. It is a common misconception that lemming pasta is suicidal and partakes in mass suicide from the tops of cookware including the common "Big Pan" and "Really-Big Pan" during cooking - although recent scientific studies have proven several populations of Tortellini Lemmini to indicate manic-depressive tendencies (requires citation).


Above - Lemming Pasta populations often experience overcrowding, and instinctively attempt to migrate in all directions. Note two individuals attempting to escape the crowded pan conditions (centre), the secondary pan used in attempt to prevent too many pasta-deaths (bottom right) and a deceased individual (bottom left, below pan base).


Many pieces that are forced over the edge of pans ultimately die. They may land underneath the pan and be burned by the gas hob, or, in the case of an electric hob, be left abandoned, in both cases rendered inedible. In some cases, lemming pasta can be saved by the quick use of a spoon and a secondary pan of boiling water. Transferring some individuals to a secondary pan by use of a cup is not advisable - by removing too many pasta individuals the pasta below often encounters a rebound action and further forces the pasta to surge over the edge of the pan to it's inevitable end. Ultimately, the only effective way to avoid lemming pasta related accidents is to use the "Really, REALLY Big Pan" and to keep an eye on the swelling pasta.


Lemming pasta is quite a delicacy once cooked, and is particularly tasty served with a tomato and mascarpone sauce and some grated cheese. Garlic bread with green bits is an optional accompaniment.